


Of Fireman's Carries and Unspoken Questions

by anythingbutplatonic



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 4x23, Angst, Episode Related, F/M, Mention of major character death, Missing Scene Fic, PTSD, PTSD flashback, Sadness, episode reaction fic, schism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7878595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingbutplatonic/pseuds/anythingbutplatonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes things are just too much, even if you badly want them. This Oliver knows full well.</p><p>Episode reaction/missing scene fic for 4x23 "Schism".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Fireman's Carries and Unspoken Questions

“So, you...wanna go get Big Belly Burger?”

The question was enough of a surprise that Oliver laughed, a short, loud bark of laughter that escaped him before he could gather himself. It echoed in the cavernous, now empty bunker, ricocheting off the broken beams and collapsed structures surrounding them. 

He hadn’t laughed a lot in these last few weeks. It felt good. 

“What?” Felicity asked, the little frown appearing between her eyebrows above her glasses. “You _don’t_  want to get Big Belly Burger?”

“No! No, it’s not that, it’s just..” Oliver shuffled his feet, looking at the floor. He shrugged his shoulders awkwardly as he clenched and unclenched his fists in the pockets of his suit pants. “Is it really that appropriate?”

“To eat fast food?” Felicity questioned, the frown above her glasses deepening. 

“Appropriate for...us,” Oliver explained. “Like, what would people think if they saw us out together?”

“That we’re two people who are friends and decided to have lunch at a _really_  good fast-food restaurant because they’re both hungry and have been working really hard and deserve a break?”

“ _Felicity_ ,” Oliver groaned, feeling his chest seizing up as he struggled to find the words to clarify what he meant. “I’m trying to be serious.”

Felicity put her hands up in surrender. “It’s just _lunch_ , Oliver. Burgers and fries. That’s _all_. Why are you so wigged about by this?”

 _Because I don’t want to read too much into it and I know you mean well but I can’t face being out with you so publicly right now, even if it’s just to get Big Belly Burger_.

“I just..” Felicity fidgeted with her hands, gazing at her bright pink nails instead of looking at him. “I wanted to do something nice. For you. I thought we could hang out, get something to eat, talk a little. Or not, y’know, talk, whatever you want. I just thought it would be...nice.”

“Nice,” Oliver repeated, as if he didn’t understand. 

In truth, he thought he understood just a little too much. 

Felicity was trying to be nice. A good friend. Supportive. Encouraging. 

Just as she’d cheered in the crowd when he’d given his inaugural speech as interim Mayor.

Just as she’d offered to drop his suit off at the dry cleaner’s a few days before his inauguration.

Just as she was, now, offering to go get lunch with him, because things had been hard and she wanted to do something _nice_.

His stomach felt like it was filled with lead. 

“Oliver-” she began, but he cut her off, already anticipating what she was going to say.

He knew her too well to expect anything to the contrary. 

“Felicity, _please_ ,” he said, almost beseeching. He rubbed the tips of his fingers over the bridge of his nose, as if he had a headache. “ _Don’t_.”

He didn’t think he could hear another speech about how important he was to her, or how much she cared about him, without a _but I don’t love you enough to be with you right now_  ringing in the silence between her words.

He didn’t think he could stomach it.

“Four years ago, the night of the Undertaking, you told me to get out of the Glades because it was ground zero. Do you remember?” 

Felicity’s voice was soft. Careful. It sounded like she had tears burgeoning at the back of her throat, or maybe it was Oliver’s imagination. 

“I remember,” he replied robotically.

_“Open your eyes! Open your eyes, Tommy!”_

_“Felicity, there’s another device.”  
_

_Stabbing Malcolm Merlyn through the heart with an arrow._

_Fire. A crack opening up in the center of the Glades and everything being swallowed up in it. Cars. Buildings._

_People._

_“Tommy!”  
_

“You said that I should get out, and I told you-”

“’If you’re not leaving, I’m not leaving’”, Oliver finished quietly, the empty space making his voice sound even softer to his own ears.

The memory was strange. He almost couldn’t recall it, not exactly, except for those words. 

_“If you’re not leaving, I’m not leaving.”_

“Exactly.” Felicity supplied. “And I’m _not leaving,_  Oliver. You’ll have to throw me out on my ass yourself if you really want me gone. I’m not leaving without bodily force. I mean it.”

 _Then why did you leave_ me _?_ is the unspoken question on his lips, the one he doesn’t dare ask. 

Still, he manages to crack a semblance of a smile when she carries on, “I bet you’re pretty good at a fireman’s carry, though.”

“Raincheck on Big Belly Burger,” Oliver said, when he found his voice again. “Sorry.”

“Oh! Oh, okay,” Felicity replied. “But...don’t just eat an apple and a power bar today, okay? You need proper food.”

The concern stuck in his chest, like glass. 

“I promise I’ll eat, Felicity.”

_You’re not supposed to say stuff like that to me any more._

“Just checking,” she said. “I know you, remember?”

 _All too well_. 

Oliver tried to smile wider. It made his cheeks ache. 

“It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that concludes my reaction fics for season 4! I apologize for the final one being late, a lot of personal stuff has gone down lately and it's been hard to catch up with my writing commitments. But I hope you enjoyed them all, including this one.


End file.
